S1. E1: Screenplay For a Republican Docudrama

INT. CLOSED DOOR SESSION OF REPUBLICAN CONFERENCE–NIGHT

Two hundred and six Republicans of the House of Representatives are gathered to determine the fate of Liz Cheney for failing to vote against the impeachment resolution on Donald Trump.  Kevin McCarthy rises to speak.

KEVIN

As you all know, Liz did not vote with the party on this one. But before we determine her fate, there is another more urgent matter that we must consider, that of the fringe beliefs and foolish actions of Marjorie Taylor Greene.  Is she a true Republican or is she a lunatic heretic?  Marjorie, what do you have to say for yourself?

MARJORIE

I won’t apologize for anything I’ve said or done in the past.

KEVIN

Yes, we understand.  That was the past, before you were a congressperson.

MARJORIE

Right.

KEVIN

So now you think differently, right?

MARJORIE

Not really.  But I am willing to say that was how I behaved before elected.  Now that I have been elected, I am willing to agree with anything you force me to agree with in order to keep my job and remain viable.

KEVIN

So you will say that you renounce your heretical beliefs?

MARJORIE

Only in the privacy of this room and before the members of this inquisition, will I renounce my heresy to avoid the pain of burning in fire at the stake.  Look, it’s a limited confession, completely forced on me in this plea deal, but if you suckers are willing to accept it and move on, I’m willing to let bygones be bygones and maybe I can convince Donald not to campaign to primary you in 2022.

KEVIN

You know Donald?

MARJORIE

Yes.  He loves me.

KEVIN

And you would do that for us?

MARJORIE

Yes, but once I go out that door my personal beliefs are my own.

KEVIN

Right you are.  We all support the first amendment.

The members of the inquisition rise in a standing ovation with thunderous applause.